Funny Birthday Greetings: 35 Things to Write in a Birthday Card

Trying to think of something funny to write in a birthday card can be strangely difficult.

You bought the card. You found a pen (hopefully a hilarious pen we sell). You opened to the blank space inside.

And then...nothing.

So if “Happy Birthday! Hope it's a great one!” isn't quite doing it for you, here are some funny birthday greetings, jokes, and messages you can steal.

And if you're giving someone a birthday card that refuses to stop playing music, the message can be part of the prank.

Funny Birthday Messages for Almost Anyone

These work for friends, siblings, coworkers, or anyone who appreciates a little sarcasm.

1. Happy birthday! I was going to get you something amazing, but then I remembered you already have me.

2. Another year older. Still no wiser. Impressive consistency.

3. Congratulations on completing another trip around the sun without being permanently banned from anything important.

4. Happy birthday! At your age, “getting lucky” means finding your keys on the first try.

5. I hope your birthday is as wonderful as you pretend your life is on social media.

6. Age is just a number. Unfortunately, yours is getting pretty large.

7. You don't look a day over whatever age you've been telling people.

8. Happy birthday. I'm glad we are growing older together so I don't have to do this alone.

9. Another birthday? Didn't you just have one of these last year?

10. I wanted to give you something you'd remember forever. You're welcome.

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Funny Birthday Messages for a Never-Ending Musical Card

A normal birthday card eventually gets closed and placed on a table.

A never-ending birthday card is a little different.

Once the prank is activated and the recipient opens the card, the sound keeps going. Closing the card won't make it stop. So your handwritten message can make the moment even better.

Try one of these:

11. This should take care of all your future birthdays. See you in ten years.

12. I couldn't decide how many times to sing Happy Birthday to you, so I let the card decide.

13. Don't worry. I'm sure it will stop soon.

14. The gift is patience. You're welcome.

15. I wanted this birthday to be unforgettable. Mission accomplished.

16. Whatever you do, definitely don't destroy the card.

17. I heard you really like this song.

18. If you close the card and it keeps playing, that probably means you're doing it wrong.

19. For every birthday I forgot: one more chorus.

20. No need to thank me. Just enjoy the music. All of it.

Funny Birthday Messages for Your Best Friend

A best friend gives you permission to be slightly meaner.

21. Happy birthday to the person who knows too much about me to ever be allowed to leave.

22. We've been friends so long I can't remember which one of us is the bad influence.

23. Happy birthday. Thanks for getting older first and telling me what it's like.

24. Friends come and go. Unfortunately for you, I know where you live.

25. I'd make fun of your age, but I was taught to respect my elders.

Funny Birthday Messages for a Brother or Sister

Sibling birthday cards deserve their own category.

26. Happy birthday to Mom and Dad's second-favorite child.

27. You are the greatest gift our parents ever gave me. Other than everything they bought me.

28. Happy birthday! I'm still not apologizing for what happened when we were kids.

29. We may fight, argue, and annoy each other, but at least today only one of us is getting older.

30. I searched everywhere for a card that accurately describes our relationship. This was as close as I could get.

Short Funny Birthday Greetings

Sometimes you don't need a paragraph. You need one good line.

31. Older? Yes. Wiser? Let's not get carried away.

32. You survived another year. Nice work.

33. Happy birthday, you magnificent disaster.

34. You're not old. You're vintage.

35. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

The Card Can Be Part of the Joke

The message inside a birthday card doesn't have to do all the work.

Sometimes the card itself can be the punchline.

At Joker Greeting, we make birthday cards designed to be a little more memorable than the usual card aisle experience. There are birthday cards that play music, scream, bark, fart, Rick Roll your recipient, let you record your own sound, and—in some cases—leave a glitter surprise for anyone who decides the best solution is to tear the card apart.

“Happy Birthday. Enjoy.”

Sometimes that's enough.

Looking for a Birthday Card They'll Actually Remember?

If a normal birthday card feels a little too normal, browse our Birthday Cards.

Just choose carefully. You still have to see this person again after their birthday.